Karma is a red haired mistress..

27 Feb

Not so long ago (September to be exact) I was an 8 month pregnant woman.  I was the epitome of everything “pregnant”.  I waddled, I grunted, I had to pee every five seconds.  Back in those days I had lots of time of my hands (sigh) and I would do huge Wal-Mart shopping trips that could last a span of two hours.  I hate shopping at Wal-Mart so I would try to knock it all out in one trip and not go back for another month.

I should have known better though.  I was 8 months pregnant, in the middle of the hottest, most crowded Wal-Mart in America pushing a shopping buggy that had approximately 900 dollars worth of groceries in it and I had to pee.  True story.  I waddled to the cash register and spent four hundred minutes waiting in the worlds longest line, in the hottest and most crowded Wal-Mart in America, with a full bladder.  Have I mentioned just how miserable I already was?

Then it happened.  I got the cashier that would rather chat than bag the stupid groceries.  So there I was waddling, fat, hot, and quiet frankly sick of flipping Wal-Mart stuck with the oldest cashier known to man who would rather tell me her super grilled cheese recpie than ring me up.  I picked up a bag that she had piled high with cans and the handle broke.  She looked at me made the “tsk tsk” noise (she really did..like I was FIVE and ate my desert first or something) and said “you really should pick those up with both handles or else it will break.”

I am nice..always.  Even if I really don’t like something or someone I probably will not anything about it..but that day..when I was fat, waddling, mad and in the hottest most crowded Wal-Mart in America (have I mentioned that?) I lost all my senses and yelled at her.  I told her that “I didn’t need any advice from someone who works at Wal-Mart, now hurry up and bag my food.”

In a normal situation my inner dialogue would have been screaming STOOOOOOPP! But it wasn’t.  After I was done yelling at the 800 year old woman I smiled and felt much better.  The monster was unleashed.  A lady got in my way with a kart and I yelled at her to move.  On my way home I flipped a woman the bird who dared cross in my lane.   I came home and told Dave what I did and he stared at me in disbelief and wouldn’t let me go to Wal-Mart anymore.

unfortunately my Wal-Mart ban has been lifted since I am no longer waddling and a bladder the size of an atom.  And yesterday I went in for a quick trip (sans Holden) and I was punished for my acts.  She was my cashier again..the 900 year old recipe guru.  Luckily, she either didn’t remember me or pretended not to.  However, she did give me an awesomely disgusting recipie involving Hormel Chili and Cream Cheese.

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